Unresolved

It really bothers me when things go unresolved. When I have to go to sleep on my anger, when I don't understand other people's reasoning, when I can't fix a problem in a relationship that should be so simple, or I have to keep living as if nothing is wrong when something is clearly bothering me. I don't pretend very well.
My life question is "Why?" I just want to know. Why did that girl I thought I trusted turn on me in second grade and blurt out to everyone that I had a crush on Brandon Duran? Why did my mom cry that one time when I accidentally walked around the corner and saw her sobbing in my dad's arms when I was 9? Why was it so hard for me to live only seeing my dad on the weekends for those months when he worked in Northern California so we could live back home? Why does it hurt so much to know that I am "the girl who took my heart and broke it" some boys talk about? Why did my relationship with my brother and sister-in-law become so distant? Why is the thought of being by myself so terrifying sometimes? Why did my dream last night give me the ability to do what I was dreaming about better the next day? Why do I become so paranoid about all the diseases I could get? Why is the thought of not thinking anymore so scary? Why can't I get this chicken recipe to turn out right?... okay maybe the last one isn't such a big deal, but you get the picture.
I let it all go and give it to God, but I still can't help but wonder what the answer is. I always want to know the answer. By the time I get to heaven I'm going to have so many questions for God like "God, did I have a brain tumor that was causing that 2 month-long migraine and did you take it away before my MRI appt? Is that why the pain stopped?" or "Did the comfort pack I gave to that homeless man show him God's love? Did he read the Bible I gave him?" or "How does Chris Angel do it God?? I can't figure it out!" I won't know until I get there I suppose.
But all the things that I have the ability to know know I won't stop searching for the answers until I find them.
The biggest question I wish I knew the answer to is "Did they understand that I didn't mean to hurt them when I said...?"


I hope so.