The feeling has not yet made it's self clear. After a year of intense frustrations we have moved on to the after effect.
Sometimes it makes me feel sick like the bad taste in my mouth after I vomit, and sometimes I feel peace like the storm has just settled leaving a clean earth. When I think about the agony, I feel sick with the reality of what just happened. But when I think of where the pain has brought us to, it brings me so much joy knowing that I don't have to hurt alone anymore.
I can count on my quarterback not to leave to play on another team because they pay more.
I can bake a cake and invite people over afterwards to enjoy it.
I can give a report and not be graded on my first draft.
I can confess to a priest and know that he's not wearing a wire.
I can know that my best friend won't pass around my most embarrassing photograph.
I have been speaking gibberish for so long and finally I am understood. They now know that the green blobs they've been staring at forever are leaves and not just green blobs.
My hands hurt so bad from being held shut so desperately, but they are open now. And gosh it feels good to let go.
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