Finally, I Rant.

I feel like it has been forever since I have last written.
Life, as it seems, has been far crazier than I anticipated it would be. It's crazy, but with things that aren't worth really writing about. If I wrote about life lately (minus the amazing trip to Italy, which I'm sure I will blog all about soon) it would sound pretty depressing since I would be reaching desperately for something interesting to write about.
Truth is, I have started to write several times but always hit the delete button because it all sounds so sad. I tend to navigate to my blog when I'm frustrated or angry wanting to write it all out and vent, but posting my frustrations to the whole world just seems pathetic.
And here I am doing it again. Except this time I vowed not to delete it, but simply write.
I write about how wonderful my life is with my amazing husband and my warm homey apartment with my two crazy cats and the delicious creations that come from my kitchen. That is my life. Wonderful. Flat out wonderful.
Sometimes I forget, though, and think and dwell on the things that aren't so wonderful. Then I get angry and depressed and upset and easily agitated and annoyed which makes me feel like a really unpleasant person to be around. I don't like it at all.
But sometimes I can't stop it. I hate it when a day that I have been looking forward to is ruined by the stress and emotions of something else that comes up. Drama. I hate drama so much. I thought that it was something I could leave behind when I left highschool and finally started communicating with adults... but the truth is, some adults still like to pretend they're highschoolers.
My happy little wonderful world is constantly being invaded and I'm tired of guarding the walls. It's exhausting constantly standing guard focusing all my attention on being able to spot the enemy before it attacks me first. I look over my shoulder and realize all the wonderful things I'm missing out on because I'm scared the second I abandon my post, my world will be destroyed because I wasn't keeping watch. I'm not free to enjoy life.
It's all because I care about people. And because I get confused and hurt when there is something wrong and they talk to everyone but me. Because if I didn't care so much about how much it would hurt them to just say exactly what is on my mind, to tell them when they are wrong, to treat them as they treat me, and freaking defend myself against they're hurtful words it would be so much easier. But God has given me a tender heart and all I can think about is how they feel regardless of how terrible a person they are. How much it would hurt them to point the finger back at them and tell them to back off.
I wish I didn't care. It would be so much easier.
But my life is wonderful. Goodness it is so wonderful.